I have been having a lot of questions about my family. I don’t hate my brothers. I love them and I truly wish them the best. My brothers, especially the middle of the three (I’ll call him J for short), have been jealous of me. I never thought I was treated differently, I mean, I was the only girl, I have always had my own room, yet that is because I was the only girl, I really couldn’t share my room with my brothers. That sentence had a ton of commas, sorry.
To this day, when I sit with my brother J, I feel so nervous to talk to him. He likes to ruin celebrations, for the last two years straight he ruined Fathers Day. He has made me cry on more than one occasion. I don’t hate him, yet I rather not be around him by my choice. He’s intimidating; he says very rude things sometimes. I truly don’t care if he reads then and gets angry; I mean he acts like I don’t like me anyways. Like I said, I am going to be an open book in this blog. Yet at the same time, he’s extremely kind to my parents, and he does whatever he can to help them, I am not trying to make him into a bad person, because he’s truly a very kind guy. Just we don’t have a relation…
I like being with the international students. They are so interesting to me. There is a major difference between an American and international friend. When you become a friend to an international student, you become their family. I learned that with Stefania, Majed and a few others. Americans are taught to hold their feelings back, like you can be so sick and not tell anyone. While on the other hand with the international friends, if you sick, they will call and do whatever they can to make you feel better. Though I still love my American friends, especially Keely and Erica, but there is a difference, and different doesn’t mean bad.
I am having a fear of the gym lately. I haven’t lost any weight. I hate myself right now. I feel like a failure. I changed my diet, I exercise, yet I am stuck at this 326 pounds. I can’t push through yet. I hope start dropping the weight again.
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There are always going to be plateaus with weight loss, and with any other struggle I suppose. Keep pushing and when you find the edge it will begin to come more quickly again. I think they're there for us to test ourselves. I know you can do it!
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